What is so attractive about these Guys

Man choice? Man choice is a very personal thing. Its like how do you like your hamburger. Some people like to dress their hamburger healthily, they want tomatoes, lettuce onions no mayo, while some people like it unhealthy and greasy with the cheese, the bacon and the gobs of mayo and mustard. Some people just like meat and bread and nothing else and still some people don't like any meat which is probably the equivalent of a lesbian. But anyways the point is you like what you like and if what you like is not good for you you are going to learn that through experience. 

Unfortunately, man-choice seems to be an area where women have a hard time of learning from other peoples experiences. Alot of the time women have to go through being screwed over by a man before they learn. I was just telling a friend I cant believe the men some of these ladies are attracted to. I cant believe it. I cant believe anybody will give them the time of day. 

One thing I can say about men is that they seem to have better grasp on the concept that there are two groups of women: women that you fuck and women that you marry. I'm not saying that they are perfect at distinguishing the two but they seem to do quit a bit better than women. And I think that today's young black women will do a whole lot better if they can just grasp the concept that they are some men that you fuck and they are men that you marry and make babies with. They are men that are only good for one thing and you shouldn't use them for anything else outside of that one thing. Just like the men say you cant turn a hoe into a housewives", you don't turn certain men into fathers or husbands. Everybody does not need children and some people are not cut out for the married life, even if they are willing to get married, everybody is not good at everything unfortunately. It can be tricky to figure who could make a good father or husbands because somebody could look good on paper but not be good in practices. But if you could at least identify men who defiantly do not need to be fathers or husbands then that's half the battle I think its the more important battle. 

So how can we rule potential bad fathers and husbands out, we can work on ruling people later, for now lets just stick to ruling the losers out. Lets say you needed to get a loan so you go into a bank but you cant just walk into a bank looking cute and being charismatic and expect to walk out if there with a loan. No, they want to see your credit history, they want to know do you have a job, they want to know do you have assets, they want to know that if they give you this money can you pay it back. 


If your trying to get into university, for example Trinity College, you cant just walk into Trinity and say "I'm here to sign up". They going to ask you for your Leaving Cert results, what extra curricular activities you've done and references, they want to know all this stuff so they can know what type of person they are dealing with. Now of course, despite all this background checking that they do some people still do drop out of college and some people still do default on loans, but if they didn't check these things at all they will have a whole lot more of college drop outs and a whole lot more defaulters on loans.


Now how do you find out a mans history. Well for one, you can do your own investigation but that can be a little stalkerish. You could ask people who know him or you can ask the guy himself but he might not tell you the truth or he might not tell you all the everything that you need to know. Now if he refuse to tell you all together then that's your answer right that but if he those tell you and you think that he may be lying then that's your answer right there. Or if he those not have anything to tell because he may be inexperienced or a late bloomer then you want to follow want credit cards do. Do credit cards company give credit to people with no credit history, yes. But they only give you a little credit to start of with. They give you a little bit of credit to start of with to see how you do with it and as you prove yourself they raise your credit limit. So just like the the credit company those you should see how the man handles little things before you let him handle the big things like being a father and getting married.


Now that's how you rule somebody out and in this post where trying to rule somebody in. Now if you see these things I wouldn't deal with them at all but if you must don't make a baby with them and don't marry them. Now I'm going to use a celebrity example to show the kind of things that rule a man out, at least for the long terms things. For example, Lil Wayne, and I was talking to a friend and she said she would get with him.





Now of course Lil Wayne has alot of money and he is famous so that's going to attract alot of women to him. But that's not what my friend said she was attracted too. She said he was sexy and she wasn't talking about his looks either she was talking about his persona. 


Alright just for the sake of argument lets take away Lil Wayne money and his fame, what do you have left? You have a guy with a criminal record who has served time in jail, who has multiple baby mamas and two of those baby mama were pregnant at the same time,  so that means he was sleeping with them in the same time period!





Next thing how can you be a huge star, making millions of dollars then go to jail for some dumb shit. If I had his type of money I will be the most law abiding citizen of the United States of America, you wouldn't even catch me jay-walking. 


Next of all, having a bunch of kids by a bunch of different women is not smart, especially with the type of child support laws they have over in the US.  And you may say that he has alot of money so it doesn't matter, no he has alot of money right now, he not going to stay on top forever and what happens to alot of these stars is that they get real big and they get use to spending money like water because they always have some more coming in and they finally when things start to slow down they forget to scale back their spending then they go broke. And you dont know how he is handling his money or who is handling is money. You can ask Toni Braxton, TLC and Gary Coleman (rest his soul) about that. So this careless behavior that he is exhibiting should be a red flag. 


Next point, and correct me if I'm wrong what employable skills those Lil Wayne have? And please do not say rapping, where can i go get a job rapping, like nowhere. See Michael Jackson had employable skills. He could write music, he could dance, see people will pay you to teach them how to dance, he could give voice lessons, people will pay you for that. What will Lil Wayne be qualified to do if he weren't rapping? He didn't even finish high school, he did go back to get his GED but a GED is a broke-ass high school diploma. 





So we have a drop-out, a jail bird, multiple baby mama having, no employable skills that I can think of  and a failed two year marriage. I'm sorry but whats attractive about this guy? And there are alot of young black women out there running around with or chasing  money-less, fame-less versions of Lil Wayne. You do not want a man like this for a husband or the father of your kids. I'll give you another example, Tupac. 





That's right I said Tupac,  now I love Tupac, I got alot of his music but in all honesty he is the type of guy to make a horrible father and a horrible husband. He kept on getting in trouble with the law and he had a problem with a authority. And even when it wasn't his fault when he was getting in trouble with the law even if there was some conspiracy against him I still cant get with him because I don't need all that in my life. Anybody who has millions of dollars and still can't stay out of jail they got a problem. So if they didn't have that money you can only imagine where they be. 





If you cant get past his Tupac'ness to see that this is the type of guy that you do not need in your life romantically then Houston we have a serious problem. Now I think Tupac is handsome, I think he had alot of charisma and I even think Waka Flame is very handsome but there just no freaking way I would ever get involved with guys like that. Now of course I'm not really talking about those guys because Tupac is dead and most of us will nver run into Waka Flame, but I'm just talking about those type of guys. These are the type of guys that i will suggest that you will leave alone altogether but if you must have them don't make a baby and do not marry them.

Can You Really Just Be Friends With Benefits?

I first heard of the term 'friends with benifits' when I was 20 years old, and in relationship terms was going through what I call my Brigit Jones period. This undeniable tragic approach to the opposite sex surprisingly led to one 'special relationship' with a visiting American student called Elijah. One evening, Elijah and I were doing that masochistic thing of talking about our sexual past, and Elijah told me he'd had a 'friend with benefits' at college. 'You're friends's he explained, 'but sometimes you have no-string sex'. I was disappointed, appalled and slightly intrigued. Its sound ideal-safe,casual sex with someone you like until you find something more substantial. However, as a wise pessimist once told me: 'If something appears too good to be true, it probably is'. 


FWB, as its called, changes things. Ladies; if you're jumping on the FWB Express or the YOLO (You Only Live Once) coach, you need to realize that the man will never see you in the same way again. Because for better or worse, a line has been crossed. 
For a start, its's impossible for us to interact diffidently with someone whose undergrowth we've rummaged in, so to speak. We will when talking, occasionally think about you naked or rummaging in our undergrowth. But that's just the basics. 


I tried being an FWB with a man called Kenneth (not his real name, just in case you all a wondering). Kenneth was smart, sexy and I really fancied him. However, our 'matey' chats meant I knew that romance was not on the cards. He didn't want to settle down, until he'd slept with at least 80 women and I was number 40. Kenneth was no going to be tied down, metaphorically speaking anyway. 


Fairly soon I became number 41, on the basis that I' knew the score (literally). I loved our nights together. Problem was, I think I loved him too. So when he told me about number 42 and 43, I became jealous. I didn't need a premium-rate psychic hotline to know where things were going, so I cut off all contact. I's lost both the friend and the benefits and worse still, I later found out that he'd settle down with number 45. 

Take two people who get on well, add orgasms, and there's a good chance that at least one of them will want more. After all, its only one monogamous step away from proper relationship. Of course, its possible you'll both get the love bug. Even so, you'll still have to come to terms with certain things. Like the fact that the usually exciting 'getting to know you' bit has been purely anatomical and that possibly, you already know too much. Could you cope with the memory of your beloved graphically describing sexual gymnastics with someone else? Let me tell you, men are particularly bad in this. I'm not saying that a FWB can never be a good thing. What I'm trying to say is that there are no return tickets. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Good Hair

Chris Rock documentary called "Good Hair" had everyone talking about hair, and it also fueled a world-wide debate on African hair. Some people picked up on, for example that it's a billion dollars industry which doesn't go into the black community, others mentioned that its a another evidence within the black community of self-hate.  But here is what I managed to pick up on, the very first scene of the movie, Chris Rock has two daughters, and he is very much in their lives, and he tells them very often that there are very beautiful. But despite all that, he says that his young daughter Lola came home one day, and asked him why "she doesn't have good hair?"Again, a father who loves his daughter, who is in their lives, and lets not forget that he is a celebrity, so he can send them to the the best schools, pick and choose who he wants his children to play with. All of that and Chris Rock could not insulate his daughter from this hair thing. 


One thing that frustrates me about this hair debate is that most people just jump right into the "your just trying to conform in to a white standard of beauty." Guys that is totally misses the point and here what I mean.


Lets say were watching a hair commercial, and there is a little Asian girl on there and she just got hair done, so she takes her hair and flips her hair back, which is one enticing move. Somewhere in the world, there is a little white girl watching that same commercial and she says 'that's cool that she can do that' and she tilts her head and flips her hair back just like the Asian girl. Somewhere around the world, a little Latino girl sees that same commercial and she takes her hair and she does the same move the little Asian girl did. Still a little black girl sees that same commercial and she goes to flip her and "what the hell? why cant I not do that with my hair?"

I don't know why everybody keeps on focussing on white, white, white, as if white people are the only ones with non-kinky hair. Every other race has hair that's similar enough that they can achieve common hairstyle, except for black people. Its not about white. You could take a little black child and put them in a room full of Asian kids and if those Asian kids are flipping and doing all sorts of stuff to their hair the little black girl is probaly gonna feel left out. And it has absolutely nothing to do with those kids being white. They are ASIAN! Asians dont have kinky hair, Indians dont have kinky hair, Latinios (the ones who dont have African ancestory) dont have kinky hair. I dont understand how people dont get that. Focusing on white misses the point big time.

We blacks here in the Western World, we dont live by ourselves, we live in a multi-cultural society with other races. Certain fads come and go and some of those fads include hairstyles. Some black women see these hairstyles and they want their hair like that but its not just possible with the type of hair they naturally have. So they alter it.

"UH but why do you what to conform to a white standard of beauty, you need to love yourself."

Please dont explain that to me, explain that to the young generation of black girls, who every since they was born you tell them that they are beautiful but they still come home wanting know why their hair can't do what the other girls hair can. And you know what the wierd thing is, anybody who has kids or ever worked with kids will know that you could tell a kid just about anything (true or not) and they will believe it. Tooth-fairies, Easter bunny, Santa Claus, you could tell a kid all sorts of crazy crap but you tell them that they are beautiful they don't believe you. Why is that?


Well for one thing, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That child has already decided what they like, you telling them something different is on the same lines of you taking a food that they dont like and saying it tastes good here eat it. I'm not even sure that you can change someone else preference. And I'm not saying that someones preference can't change, I'm just saying that no one can change someone else preference. 


They maybe some issues that cause some black women to alter their hair but that's something they have to do deal with. And all this extra talking about what they should do is pointless. Now for those of you who say that perming your hair or wearing hair extensions is evidence of self-hate, lets just say that it is. Lets just say that we all saw that commercial with the girl flipping her hair when we were little kids, and we try to flip our hair and it didnt work and from that point on we didn't like our hair. So we all recieved this little injury to our pyche at a very early age. Everybody has this injuries and hurts in their hearts that never go away but its okay because were still functional. Lets take an example Oprah, she made it pretty clear on her show that she has no intention in the near future of going natural.

So according to these people who keep saying its self-hate, she self-hating. But how those this self-hete manifest in her life? Lets see shes dating a black guy, has been for many years, she raised the money to open a school over in South Africa primarily for black girls (there are some girls of other races in there) but its mostly for black girls. And she makes sure that they all get their hair done, because she knows how much of an issue hair is been for young black girls so she makes sure that they get their hair done. Oh yeah that sounds real self hating to me. But lets forget about all that lets go a little simpler, she doesn't commit crimes, and even if she did, good luck tying that back to her hair, she goes to work and pays her taxes and she makes friends with women of other races, she doesn't go around bashing them,  so really what other evidence do you have that she hates her self other than that she perms her hair. A person of another race, who doesn't know all the story what we do to our hair, will they look at her and say well "there is a self-hating black women right there".


Let talk about your regular black women, they go to school,  they get their education or they find some type of job, they raise their kids. Now some black women do comitt crimes, their bad mothers, they dont keep a job, there on welfare, but goodluck tying that back to their hair. Show me how this so-called self-hate manifest other than perming the hair or wearing weaves. Well some people have said that they are spending money on their hair when they should be spending it on other things. Okay thats true, buts thats a financial problem, thats evidence of not knowing how to spend your money correctly, because they wont just missuse their money on hair, they also get new outfitts, get their nails done, make sure their babies have a new pair of Nikes, they will do all that its just not the hair. And black guys, I've seen some black guys who will have a new pair of designer shoes every week, once that designer shoes get one little speck of dirt they will throw it out and get a new pair, or they spend their money on going to the clubs, expensive phones, or whatever. 


Spending money on the wrong  thing is just a symptom withthin the Black community, you cant just say that its only black women spending money on their hair. Also they is no evidence that black women avoid dating, marrying and making babies with guys who have kinky hair, yes their are some black women who do but ultimately the majority of black women do not avoid black men with kinky hair. So you cant even point at that say that a problem. Show me a real life manifestation of this so-called self-hate, point out a problem that is directely linked to black women hating their hair. It will be differnt if the only women who perm their hair were poor women or stupid women, or women who were incarcerated but it goes across all classes, all walks of lifes of black women. There is no common thread runniung through all these women other then that their all black and they change their hair. You cant say thay they all seem too be more criminal, you cant say they go around beating up white women so really where is this manifestation of this self-hate. I dont really think their is one but if you do find one make sure that it doesn't occur in black men because if it those then we know that its not the about hair.

The Last Taboo

Men and masturbation. Can you ever say you've ever met a guy who wouldn't admit that he indulges in solo 'sessions'? Me neither. When it comes to discussing sex, men have no shame about self-service. But when it comes to women, we become coy, we clam as if we never heard of the word masturbation. Masturbation is still a taboo subject. But television programmes like The Sex in the City, Embarrassing Bodies are helping people see that's its normal way of getting to know your body, and nothing to be embarrassed about.


According to a National Health and Social Life Survey, 96% of women masturbate, with 56% fitting in a session every other day. But when I asked some girls whether they'ed be happy talking about it, more than half of them said they would feel ashamed or awkward.

The new threesome is me, myself and I.

So why are women so shy when it comes to self-love. According to orgasm coach Dr Lisa Turner, "We still have a lot of guilt and shame around experiencing sexual pleasure. Women have only relatively recently been 'allowed to enjoy sex, and that hasn't yet filtered down to masturbation.
"But masturbation is beneficial in so many ways, from releasing hormones and chemical that boost mood and health, to better sex. By opening up about masturbation women can build sexual confidence and learn about bodies and how to enjoy them without negative feelings.


Hands-on health

• Masturbation can burn as many as 150 calories in one session.
• If you're struggling to sleep, an orgasms is an effective natural sedative as the release of Oxycontin and other endorphin's create a sense of tranquility.
• It's a pill-free painkiller, relieving backaches and headaches (thanks again, Oxycontin) and also menstrual cramps, by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region.
• Self-pleasure can help prevent uniary tract and yeast infections. When we orgasm, the cervix opens, allowing 'friendly bacteria to flush out organisms that may cause infection.
• Masturbation is a powerful mood elevator as the feelgood hormones dopamine is released during the build-up to climax.
• Studies show that women who experiencing frequent orgasm have a greater resistance to conary heart disease and type-2 diabetes.